I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
