he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
