every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
