dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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