She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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