Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
