Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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