eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
