I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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