I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
