Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
