So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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