Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
