i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
