We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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