matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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