i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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