Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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