I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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