Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
