i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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