yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
