your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
