And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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