I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
