I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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