My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
