So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
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