I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
