you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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