Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
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I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
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You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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