Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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