Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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