i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
