kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
