Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
