the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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