I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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