Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
