Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
