Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
