I think I died a long time ago.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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