oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
