This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
