don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
