Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
