whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
