JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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