They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
