you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
