I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
