He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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