I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
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