After last night, I could never be a politician.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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