Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
