You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
