Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
