we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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