A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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