You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
