So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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