If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
