My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
