There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
