life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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