your room smells of hookers.
And success
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
