apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
