I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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