If i come over, it means nothing
She's JV to your varsity
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
