he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
